original materials about cinema, music, culture
We share our impressions of 11 shades of snake hissing, rank albums in the order of the stages of my acceptance, dig out hidden gems in the career of the main singer of the planet.
The author is neither a fan nor a spiteful admirer of the singer, and does not take into account her personal attitude to her character and personal life. The author is not as interested in the lyrics of the tracks as musical creativity and performance, coupled with the concept and artistic solutions.
Let's go!

Rather, the department of tortured listeners. After "Midnights" I had absolutely no expectations. I launched this album and started listening... and I fell asleep on the sixth track. Then I thought, well, it's not a bad album for falling asleep. When I turned it on again, I wanted to put matches in my eyes.
Taylor Swift's gigantomania has reached its peak here. More than an hour of material — and so voluminous for a pop album. But to emphasize the importance of every line ever written, here's an addition in the form of a second hour of the same stuffiness on the b-side. And it seems that the production is strong, the sound design is in place, but they forgot to compose the music. The singer is chewing through all the same breakup stories that would be better left in her diary, while the same synth is playing against the background for five minutes in a row — and so on each track. I don't know how those poets were tortured, but they say the experience of listening to this album is comparable to Chinese waterboarding.
Favorite tracks: So Long London, Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me.
Rating: 3/10.
* * *

He is loved, hated, and respected, but to this day he remains the most controversial album in the singer's catalog. Before I met him, all the criticism seemed unjustified to me, because I really liked the idea of the album and the two tracks that I had listened to earlier. It was a loud warm-up, a bold image step, an ingenious cover design and the first big concept in Taylor's career. What is the result?
As a result, we have a collection of gossip and pretentious attacks towards seven evil exes. It would be fine if it was implemented correctly, but the entire instrumental of the album is rough dubstep, which has doubtfully aged in just seven years. No beautiful verses, no melodiousness, no lines that I would like to sing along to. Even the main banger of the record, the track "Look What You Made Me Do", only puzzles with the sound pit in the chorus. The question is: why compose such a loud bridge to immediately fall into an annoying recitative. There is overclocking, but no drop.
What are the two tracks that I liked? "Don't Blame Me" and "I Did Something Bad" are just as pretentious and with the same abrasive arrangement, but... they are beautifully composed. Only these two tracks have a good melodic line, in conjunction with which even a strange dubstep sounds harmoniously.
I feel sorry for this album and the potential it wanted to be. This is a great promotion, a competent commercial investment - anything but good music.
Favorite tracks: Actually, Don't Blame Me, I Did Something Bad.
Rating: 4/10.
* * *

The saddest thing about this album is that I really had expectations for it. Warmed up by the wonderful "folklore" and "evermore", I thought that Taylor had grasped the principle of how albums with a concept and a solid sound, close to pure art, are written. There is indeed an intriguing concept on "Midnights", the same thoughtful production is not without a sense of style, even a strong level of lyrics. It would be fine, but there are no songs on "Midnights".
I noticed this problem back on Grande's "Positions" — I wanted to listen to this album, listen to its beautiful mix. But it was worth taking a break from the glossy design, and attention immediately dissolved into these boring vocal lines and monotonous beats. I'll say the same here. It's probably an important album for Taylor Swift's mythology, if you're a fan. But the world music culture will not lose anything if all other listeners ignore this album.
Favorite tracks: Karma, Snow On The Beach.
Rating: 4/10.
* * *

Very, very solid coursework. Thanks to her, the singer became a phenomenon twenty years ago, when she promoted the country genre to the masses, in which ordinary people used to see bearded rednecks with hoarse voices. Now country is an accessible blue-eyed pop rock about teenage experiences, infatuations and seven evil exes, which would later become a classic Swift motif.
The album often lacks catchy verses. The singer resorts to the most typical pop-rock cliches a la Avril Lavigne, which makes the tracks sound like screensavers from a show on Disney+. Nevertheless, for all the immaturity of songwriting, we have good arrangements on banjo and harmonica. Even though it sounds like a naive village disco... I'd go for one.
Favorite Tracks: Should've Said No, Picture To Burn.
Rating: 5/10.
* * *

Taylor Swift is a disgrace. I don't know how much this applies to an already pop artist, but this is the appropriate definition here. It was the safest possible solution after the scandalous "Reputation". Is it justified? Well, partly.
Here we have a standard set of pop songs of the most radio format. Glossy production, glass beats and sugary vocal parts. I'll give "Lover" its due, it doesn't sound tasteless. It has volume, an airy mix, sometimes catchy arrangements and rhythmic patterns. But at best it's music for a summer trip out of town, at worst it's just a playlist for studying.
The main contradiction of "Lover" is the absence of any kind of development. Up to this point, Taylor had always taken a step forward. Even "Reputation" was quite a statement. Now the singer calmed down and decided to just sing songs. Conceptually— it is a pale copy of "1989", in atmosphere it is a return to the carelessness of country albums, in sound it is not the most expressive imitation of "Pure Heroine". But the cover is gorgeous.
Favorite tracks: London Boy, Cruel Summer.
Rating: 5/10.
* * *

Whatever you want, but I don't think "Red" is a good album. From an artistic point of view, it really was a decisive departure from country roots into the merciless abode of pop music. Alas, to my ears, the album does not provide enough original material to make the image of the new Taylor firmly entrenched in the minds. Lyrically, it's still a mature work, but the bland arrangements in the spirit of a school disco make me yawn by the third track.
I can't say that the remaster of Taylor's Version has greatly improved the situation. The new recording brings life and breath to the verified production of the original. The problem is that the album is supposedly composed by boring. The new sound design of the tracks "Red" or "22" is head and shoulders better than the 2012 version, but... It was these songs that were listened to quite well there.
Not banjos anymore, not radio bangers yet. This is a strong middle man, who will become the basis for all Taylor's creativity for the next 6-7 years.
Favorite Tracks: I Knew You Were Trouble, 22, Red.
Rating: 5/10.
* * *

Even though stylistically it's still the same debut album, I'm pleased with how much Taylor has worked through the new material while staying in the same vein. I call it great work and mistakes. "Fearless" is a more concentrated album. The relational storytelling in the verses became more mature, the arrangements did not lose their taste and stopped mimicking Disney rock, becoming more calm and thoughtful.
The album does not enrich Taylor's artistic mythology, but it says one important thing about her: she is really hardworking and ready to painstakingly hone the material. I like that the ballads of the "Hey Stephen" level, which could have become the most stifling skips, turned out to be the same hits, just more balanced and minimalistic. Even if it's not without platitudes like kissing in the rain, but let's put it down to teenage standards.
Favorite Tracks: You're Not Sorry, Hey Stephen.
Rating: 6/10.
* * *

In fact, of course, "folklore 2.0". And it says a lot of good things about "folklore" if the collection of its b-sides becomes one of the best entries in the catalog. Conceptually, it's all the same wandering through the autumn forest. A minimum of time has passed between releases, and they were recorded, most likely, in one session, so for me the "evermore" tracklist sags a little. That's where my stuffiness ends, because otherwise the album takes over all the advantages of "folklore".
This is thoughtful lyrics, the most mature songwriting in his career, and a touching performance. The album became a little less whispering, a little more focused on singing along, and the spread between bright hits and just average songs became much more noticeable. Nevertheless, qualitatively it is still one of the best recordings, which is nice to include in cool windy weather, and the song "willow" once in a solo made the atmosphere of my new year.
Favorite tracks: willow, no body no crime, ivy, champagne problems.
Rating: 6/10.
* * *

Alas, there was not the same impressive progression between him and "Fearless" as there was between "Fearless" and the debut album. Nevertheless, she was, and this album absorbed all the best that was in the early Taylor. The singer returned to loud pop-rock hits and significantly enriched the production. "Speak Now" has become more diverse: here is the sunny country ballad "Mean", and here is the incendiary "Better Than Revenge". Something more serious? Please — an emotional "Haunted" with dramatic cellos and bells. The album does not fall apart, the guitar base acts as a common denominator in each track.
This is not a revelation for the genre. "Speak Now" did not give a new round of creative thought, but it is a solid collection of big hits, in which the quality of songwriting finally reached Taylor's ambitions. Tap anywhere on the album, and the selected song is almost guaranteed to stick in your head for the rest of the day.
Favorite tracks: Enchanted, Mean, Long Live, Haunted.
Rating: 6/10.
* * *

I have a concept of a summer pop. A good summer pop album is a glossy production of the highest quality, a simple concept without art, and most importantly, you can always turn it on at any party and have a good time without a single skip. "The Fame", "In The Zone", "Future Nostalgia" and, of course, "1989".
If before this album Taylor Swift could be perceived as a singer from Europe Plus, now it has become clear that she is an independent world—class artist. Because every star of the first magnitude can and should have such an album. "Bad Blood", "Shake It Off", "Blank Space" — wherever you click, you know each of these songs, and by heart, even without being a regular listener of the singer.
Wavy beats, high—quality bass lines, beautiful samples - all this weaves into the atmosphere of a pulsating metropolis. Each beat fraction is so delicately inscribed into the composition that even the remaster version could not spoil the original mix.
What's important: this is never a calculated pop song. Taylor's performance here is one of the best and most expressive in the catalog. The vocal lines beautifully beat each line and set the dynamics to the uncomplicated beats. In fact, if the country albums had all the salt in the instrumental, then this is a benefit for Taylor herself and her voice. This is pop in the best sense of the word and the most canonical album for Taylor as a great singer.
Favorite tracks: I Know Places (Taylor's favorite), Wonderland, Wildest Dreams, New Romantics.
Rating: 7/10.
* * *

By far, Taylor Swift's best album. The best concept, the best lyrics, the best production. Jack Antonoff has long been synonymous with tedium, but let's not belittle his talent for working with minimalistic sound. This does not suit someone, for example, the instrumental "Dance Fever" does not reveal the volume of Florence's voice at all. But Taylor's vocals feel best when accompanied by a calm guitar and piano, as if you were sitting together by a campfire or playing chords by the fireplace.
"folklore" became a renaissance of country style in Taylor's catalog. But now, instead of clockwork banjo dancing, there are walks in the autumn forest. The album sounds like a return to the parental home after a long journey. The singer calmed down lyrically. There are no disses for seven evil exes here. Instead, they reflect on music, time, nature, reflection on love and nostalgia through a kaleidoscope of tangible images, like walks in the park and hands running under a lover's T-shirt. The album itself is like that cardigan woven from invisible threads.
And these are not some subjective impressions of the lyrics - the album sounds exactly like that. Tremulous guitar overdubs envelop you, the keys with a dull echo evoke a painful feeling of light sadness, Taylor's voice whispers in your ear. It might have sounded hilariously boring if it hadn't been so well written, performed and mixed. Taylor and Jack created magic out of nothing. An album that gives you the creeps.
Favorite tracks: invisible string, seven, mad woman, hoax, exile, the last great American dynasty.
Rating: 8/10.
Which discography rating do you want to see next?0

In the continuation of our rating, we will determine the best stories of the sad storyteller: from puppet animation to superheroics, from biography to the acclaimed series.
From the imagination of Tim Burton... Let's get started!
* * *

The acclaimed sequel divided the audience at the time, and it seems that the debate about it has not died down to this day. Some consider it too much even by today's standards, others admire the courage, gloomy tone and new characters. I used to consider the movie one of my favorites ever, now I'm somewhere in the middle.
The second "Batman" is like a series about an ill—mannered clone from Smeshariki. Yes, we've seen things much darker, yes, it's still cool and adult, but it's like you don't expect such a cryptic thing from an almost children's film. Behind the shadow of the sequel, few people will remember how dark the original "Batman" was, and how much it turned the idea of what a comic book movie could be. Now Burton just raised the degree, and it worked... heterogeneous. To say the least.
On the one hand, we have a Catwoman with a BDSM whip and in a latex suit who will sexually lick Batman's face. On the other hand, the Penguin, who, although famous for his bloodlust and simply vile habits, eats raw fish in front of the public, but looks like a comical villain from Scooby—Doo with this villainous laugh riding a giant rubber duck. Let's put it this way: either your noses are bitten off with fountains of blood, or an army of kamikaze penguins is trying to blow up the city - these are slightly different formats.
But... Isn't that the beauty of it? The history of the franchise has shown that no safe approach can replace the pure imagination of the author, even if he is sick. The film is full of stubborn humor on the verge of a foul. This is a concentrated Burton madness, which we all love, and at the end — a drop of sad New Year's mood. I will single out the role of Christopher Walken, who is ready to compete with Danny DeVito for the title of the main monster in this film.
Score: 7 bitten noses out of 10 lashes by Michelle Pfeiffer. Humanity is not ready for this acid yet.
* * *

Have you seen a lot of black-and-white cartoons that are not a century old or festival-level? Popular, relevant, and still bold. The beauty of Burton is that even in the delicate children's segment, he allows himself not only to avoid adult topics, but also the gloomy, or even frightening form of their presentation.
I know what I'm talking about because I watched Frankenweenie the year it was released, when I was a 12-year-old kid. He scared the hell out of me with his mutant rats, but at the same time he established a deep emotional connection with me. Now there are not enough Gothic films in the children's segment, such as "Coraline", "Nine" or "Monster House".
I am surprised by the laconism in the elaboration of characters, which is especially evident in Burton's animation. I haven't reviewed Frankenweenie for five years, but I remember perfectly well the sinister Professor Rzykryuzski (just listen), and the nauseating Edgar, and sportik Toshiaki, the pretentious Nassor, the physical therapist, the mayor's daughter... They may not have a deep character and story arc, but the detail of their appearance and manner of speech firmly imprints these characters in your soul. The form determines the content itself.
Frankenweenie reminds me of R.L. Stein's Horror Films, those same books in the spirit of urban legends, about how children overcome the monster from the closet with the power of friendship. This is the best of everything that Burton shot in the tenth, and I would like him to return more often now to these creepy-touching stories about boys who raise their beloved dog from the dead.
Personal recommendation: do not be lazy to check the name posters for each character in the film, including all monsters, on the Kinopoisk. All posters are stylized as thrash horrors of the 30-50's — wild vibe.
Rating: 7 screamer cats (seriously, I almost died) out of 10 creaking mills.
* * *

I've been thinking for a long time how to start a block about this movie. Yes, this is the base, it is necessary to know this, but I will not call Beetlejuice an outstanding pearl or an incorruptible for all time. The film declared Burton as a bright, independent author, whose visual style gave rise to a queue of imitators already in the year of release. This film is a phenomenon, a monument film, worthy, as it turned out, even of a Zoomer sequel. To a much lesser extent, this is a sit-down-and-look film, being surpassed by the next two works of the author.
Nevertheless, "Beetlejuice" is a wild style. Considering that Burton does not write scripts and is only engaged in production, all the recognizable features of the director have already appeared in this project. Firstly, he always allows his actors to fool around, which resulted in the image of a demonic trickster. Today it feels like an outlet against the backdrop of all Michael Keaton's moody roles.
Secondly, a bright crowd. Seriously, I want a separate film about each inhabitant of the afterlife. Here Burton flexes as a former artist, which we will admire in "The Nightmare before Christmas" and in "The Corpse of the Bride", equally rich in colorful characters.
Thirdly, amazing practical effects. The giant worm on Saturn's moon looks amazing and, it seems, will never grow old, because it was originally conceived to be vibe-outdated with these jerky stop-motion transitions between frames. This is a wonderful concept where the deceased family, being ghosts, tries to expel obnoxious new tenants from the house. "Others," hold our bug juice. This is a creep buffoonery with toothy humor, and definitely one of the best children's horror films in history.
Rating: 7 shrimp fingers out of 10 altushki Rider (where to order one ...)
* * *

I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be an adaptation of a lost short story by Poe or a novel by Emily Bronte, so the film is made in the canon of Victorian Gothic literature. And this is definitely a compliment. For many years, The Corpse of the Bride has been gathering dust in the shadow of The Nightmare Before Christmas, and I am pleased that in recent years the film has grown an independent fan base.
The story of a marriage by calculation is as old as the world, the plot for 75 minutes is simple and concise, but it is in the details that the hand is felt. Burton standardly criticizes materialistic philistinism and pompous aristocracy. But, as an example of the same "Alice", no one talks about their emotions here.
Take a look at these characters! You will learn their whole character from the design and plastic of the doll figures alone. The otherworld looks amazing, the songs are pleasant and do not slow down the narrative, as it happens in musicals. On the contrary, each number is unique in its mood, and often in its genre component. Some compositions are unobtrusively sewn into the narrative itself, for example, Victor and Emily playing the piano in four hands. Please note that Victor plays in a major, warm way, which reflects belonging to the world of the living, and Emily plays in a minor and cold, but after a few bars she joins Victor's tonality, as if entering his "living" space.
I note that this is simply a great genre comedy. Not many romantic feature films are able to evoke emotions such as the chemistry of these characters. What is worth one scene of Victor and Victoria meeting after his piano playing. Almost nothing is said, the characters stutter and drive equivocations — but how much is said, and Emily's tragic love and her final rejection of Victor are forever etched into the soul. This is a deeply sensual, literary film, definitely a classic of world puppet animation.
Score: 7 cranial caterpillars out of 10 muskets.
* * *

The position of the series in this list ranged from 9th place to 4th, as a result, I settled on a compromise. This is a strong, verified series that does not offer the viewer anything new and works as a talented attraction. Without negativity, the entertainment value of "Wednesday" is exceptional, and I appreciate it when you can have a good time watching it.
I explain the phenomenon of popularity for myself simply: zoomers need their own "Harry Potter", and millennials are hungry for the atmosphere of a mysterious school of magic. I will not dissemble, Nevermore does not have anywhere near that mythology and fabulousness, from the category of "we have Hogwarts at home." But the series diligently takes care to captivate you with a lot of mysteries and local folklore. It even has its own kind of faculty competition, the same dark academy raid with secret societies, nods to Edgar Poe and William Faulkner.
It may seem as if the series is trying to be smarter than it is, saying that we are not only admiring Ortega here, but also learning something new. And... you are not exactly wrong. These mentions are no more significant than "we found out, we agree." But I suddenly want to stand up for the series. I'm not a fan of the metamodern in the spirit of "American Horror Story", when not the most outstanding form tries to define the content through references, but I like how in "Wednesday" every stylistic decision is beautifully woven into the narrative.
Yes, it still looks like a cut for TikTok, but if you look at what the motive behind it is, you will find a good idea. Simply put, Ortega can make an important face for another cynical punch a hundred times in a series, but the plot will definitely lead us to the idea that denying our emotions, unsociability and blinkering is not an excuse even for a very great talent. The authors understand why we are gathered here, and just let us enjoy Ortega's next trick, as if conducting a dialogue with the viewer directly, bypassing the conventions of the film language.
This still doesn't add much depth to the series, but it doesn't make it a dummy for preschoolers at all. I also like Burton's involvement. Starting with the fifth episode, you, like me, will probably notice a change of director. Each episode stands out: the boat race, the school ball, the fair, the arrival of parents or Uncle Fester.
Some scenes are almost masterpiece out of context. Personal recommendation: try to watch the ending of the third episode in isolation from the rest. A monologue, cutting interesting, and most importantly emotional hooks, and all to the beautiful orchestral version of "Nothing Else Matters" with soulful medieval notes. This is a real Renaissance of Burton's career, and I'm glad that after this series they started talking about him again. Although two years ago, he himself did not know where to go from it.
Rating: 7 dramatic views of Ortega out of 10 jokes about dismemberment.
* * *

Let's skip the part with the enumeration of merits and influence on the genre — this is just an amazing film. Until dushny Nolan ruined the whole fan with his social network, he was also considered the best about the character, and before the release of Reeves' masterpiece, he was also my favorite.
Everything is fine here. Gotham is gothic, Batman is erotic, even the Joker does not look like a left-wing schoolboy avatar. The film envelops the entourage. Starting as a genre neo-noir, he dosed reveals the mythology of Batman, but (!) does not stretch it into an hour-long story of formation. Instead, we taste the mysterious nature of the hero through the perspective of criminals, police, journalists, ordinary residents of the city. Hot take: the movie looks like an adaptation of the mafia game, if such a thing could take place.
The image of Bruce Wayne is concise and pleasant, I shake the strong hand of Michael Keaton for a great job. Unlike Bale or Affleck, this Bruce has character, human emotions, and a slight irony. His duet with the best screen Alfred is incomparable, the butler turned out to be perfectly prim, strict, but most paternally sincere. I can believe that this Alfred is capable of replacing Bruce's father.
Joker-Nicholson is a real gangster, a crank and a heartthrob, not loaded with a hackneyed actualochka. His performance in the gallery to Prince's soundtrack is art itself. However, Burton does not change himself and kneads a pinch of wild game, like the Joker's fake cosmetics, after which the girls die with a numb smile on their face... and then he shoots a commercial featuring corpses. Is it weird? Yes, it's awesome. It's also 1989 in the yard, think for yourself.
But it is here that Burton perfectly balances grotesque sincerity and noir seriousness, creating a unique mix in the atmosphere and design of the film. Separately, I will note the memorable minor characters and the death scene of the Joker. That toy laugh from the corpse still haunts me, as does the scene of the underground operation with rusty tools, which is why he got such a smile.
Score: 8 comically long pistols out of 10 amazing Kitons (seriously, let him adopt me...)
* * *

I could name a hundred shortcomings of this film, from the protracted musical numbers to the sloppy staging of individual scenes, but I strongly do not want to stifle this unique work. As one well-known cook says, when it's delicious, then it's delicious.
The emotional palette of Sweeney Todd is so intense, she revels in her own naked nerve so much that it is almost impossible not to get infected with it. If we could be condescending to Burton's other attempts at gloom, this film leaves no room for criticism. This is not only the director's most creep film, but also a very good horror out of context.
Todd's righteous hatred of his wife's killer is intertwined with a tender feeling for his daughter, and they are together with Mrs. Lovett's painful, perverted infatuation with the killer hairdresser. That's a family, they sheltered a boy, saving him from the sadistic Pirelli, but they fed the named son with their pies with human flesh. However, as well as half of London... To hell with your Jokers and Harley Quinn. These two are my favorite Bonnie and Clyde of modern times!
There are scarier, sharper, deeper, bloodier and more thoughtful horrors. The terrible charm of this film is in the seething tragedy of a little man, which Dostoevsky himself could have written. Doomed love in the midst of urban sewage, touching madness, like an abscess on the body of Puritanical values. With such material, it was easy to fall into vulgarity, instead Burton created a musical that was beautiful in its ugliness.
A shot in striped tights on the beach > everything else. The final scene with the stove >>> everything else. Please note that almost the entire cast, including supporting roles, participated in the Harry Potter films — a plus sign for the British vibe. If you love Jack the Ripper and Sherlock Holmes, be sure to enjoy this work as well.
Score: 8 silver razors from 10 fingers inside cupcakes.
* * *

When I was about 10 years old, I saw a picture crossword puzzle in my grandmother's magazine — several Johnny Depp characters whose names were suggested to guess. Jack Sparrow was there, and Sweeney Todd, and, of course, Edward. Even then, without even knowing about Burton, I felt through one expression of the actor's face in a tiny photo all the barely expressive sadness of his character. I think I bought out the contents of the entire movie long before I saw it for the first time.
You may have heard the take more than once that Burton approaches the movie as if it were an animation. This is the peculiar genius of the director: he looks at the actors as if they were drawings. It's enough for him to imagine just one character, a lonely cyborg with blades instead of hands, and the world builds itself around him — just have time to saturate it with new details.
You usually won't find Burton's deep psychology and nuances of human relationships, which is why even his best films seem caricatured. That's the beauty of it. He takes several expressive images and saturates them with a purely expressionistic mechanism of emotions, a subtle transfer of state by external tools — effective and very effective. This method may seem rude to souls like me, but let's remember the "show don't tell" rule and the European expressionism of the 20s, which gave rise to the first masterpieces of cinema in history and developed the possibilities of cinema as a language.
All this expressive, sensual splendor found its best embodiment in "Edward Scissorhands", in its touching charm. Let's pay tribute to Johnny Depp — true talent is revealed in such laconic roles, where one eternally puzzled look is instead of a thousand words. I can't help but cry from the scene of dancing under snowflakes, Elfman does not make music, but real magic.
Rating: 9 iconic Vincent Prices out of 10 shorn poodles.
* * *

How many times have you met a narrative in family films, saying that a fairy tale exists, it is real, you just need to open your heart and believe? So I'm sick of this cloying, manipulative and out of touch idea. The child grows up, and it turns out that there is no tooth fairy, neither is the Queen of England, and the movie deceived him for momentary effect.
After the "Big Fish", the entire run with real fairy tales could be closed once and for all. This is Burton's least Gothic film, apart from "Big Eyes" and the episode with the witch's eye, in which the main character allegedly saw his death. And, like all good works by a director, this one is dedicated to one particular dreamer. Edward Bloom is an incorrigible optimist and a jerk, comparable in luck only to Forrest Gump. Their principle is the same — "the road will be mastered by the walking one," but if Gump was motivated by the inability to assess the risks due to dementia, then for Bloom to be an idiot is a conscious choice. And that's fine.
In form, it is still an adventurous tale about how the hero became friends with a giant, worked in a circus for food and rescued Siamese twin singers from captivity by Japanese troops. In fact, the giant is not quite a giant, and the Siamese twins are not quite Siamese, and this brings us to another simple and good idea: not so much about the road under the feet of the walking, but about the beauty in the eyes of the beholder.
Bloom literally draws augmented reality in his head and shares his tall tales with others, which is why he deserves the glory of having gone. This is a sunny semi-biography with an encouraging morality, where the freak turns out not to be a rejected klutz, but a strong-willed hero, such a Don Quixote of the 20th century. There is both an adventure and a beautiful romance with a love triangle, and a long time interval makes you start to feel nostalgic for the film before you even watched it.
The hero, played by the radiant Ewan McGregor, is an underrated literally me character. I was lucky enough to know such a person in my life, and once this film was one of my top ten favorites of all time. It's still Burton's best work of the century.
Rating: 9 McGregor smiles out of 10 of my tears.
* * *

Before the first place, I will speak about the films left out of the list.
Firstly, since Burton reshot "Frankenweenie" in the form of a more perfect cartoon, I did not include his game short version in the top. She's good. The same black and white and atmospheric, it will be a good aperitif for a Halloween party. Secondly, I haven't watched Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. An uninteresting debut for me with the most repulsive feature of Burton — the infantile antics of simply stupid characters.
Of course, it is impossible not to mention "The Nightmare before Christmas" — literally the most Burton film, which became the quintessence of his visual style... but he was not even assigned by himself due to his employment in another project. I insist that there is more Burton in the film than Selik, including the signature musical arrangement and character design, which performs 70% of the entire task.
The most canonical characters, the best compositions of Elfman, the most grotesque horror and the blackest humor are the main Halloween film of all time and some peoples, which I would put on 9 and put in second place if I counted within the main top.
And we are moving on to the top of the master's entire creative career. Oscar goes to...
* * *

I admit, I'm biased. Cinema about cinema is one of my favorite genres. Edward Wood Jr. is a director recognized by film critics as the worst director of all time. I must say, not without reason, but it also made him famous and the status of the main legend of thrash films. And I wouldn't underestimate the size of their audience. "The Sinister Dead", "Rocky Horror Horror Show", "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" are classics of world cinema aesthetics, which would be much poorer without Wood's creative legacy. We all love Tommy Wiseau, Rob Zombie and Alexander Nevsky, to be honest — the spiritual followers of Ed Wood.
What is Burton doing? Burton elevates Wood's already outstanding story into an insanely stylish, black-and-white Gothic myth. This is a very free retelling of events: the hero even meets Orson Welles here (which never happened), at that time the drunken author of "Citizen Kane" — one of the greatest films in the world. Burton equates talent and mediocrity as two adjacent facets of the same phenomenon. Wood himself considered Wells a colleague, agreeing with the master's grumbling at greedy producers. He considered himself a great creator, and his films were masterpieces, sincerely not understanding the criticism against him.
He is a classic Burton weirdo, like Bloom from Big Fish, a desperate adventurer, inspired and inspiring. Depp shines, especially in the image of Wood, a transvestite. But the diamond of the film is the legendary Bela Lugosi, performed by the no less legendary Martin Landau. Lugosi is widely known for his role as Count Dracula in the 1931 film and several other roles in horror films of varying degrees of lousy. The actor remained in demand for a long time, but by the middle of the century he had lost his former greatness.
Wood tried to resurrect his career in his awkward film work, but Burton... he resurrected Lugosi for real, even after his death. The director often turned to film veterans, be it Vincent Price or Christopher Lee, and here he also honored the memory of his teacher. Wood and Lugosi had a very touching friendly tandem that broke my heart in the second half of the film. In addition to the old vampire, Wood helped many people in need, albeit in a peculiar way, but to be realized, whether it was a circus strongman or a pack of respectable movie stars.
The film is imbued with a sense of light sadness, even the boring morality of "being yourself" reveals itself expressively and does not amuse you with false hopes. Wood is a legend, he influenced a whole stratum of the industry through his own mediocrity and prejudice, and also ... died in debt without the slightest hint of recognition.
Burton gives Wood this glory in absentia in the scene of the triumphant premiere of Plan 9 from Outer Space. The premiere that never happened. Undoubtedly, Burton will remain in the centuries, as well as Wood himself, because despite everything, both masters did their job to the end. Fan fact: In Burton's three best films, the main character is named Edward.
Rating: 10 Vampire busts out of 10 TV horror stylizations.
Thanks for reading. Which director's rating would you like to see in the following parts of the column?1

Striped tights and dark humor, fountains of blood and naive charm — everyone finds their charm in the sad tales of this artist who needs no introduction. We'll look for it too.
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Deservedly the most un-Burtonian project. Both before and after, the master took on artisan custom-made works, but it was here that studio haste and personal laziness turned into insipid fanfiction about popadans, which even a student without a portfolio would be ashamed to put on. The awkward plot and pompous masculinity of Mark Wahlberg leave no gap for Burton's sophisticated style. The unrecognizable Helena Bonham Carter in primate makeup is all that gives away belonging to this filmography. One thing is clear: since the beginning of his career, the director has been so persistently stylized as a B movie that he finally shot his long-awaited "Plan 9 from Outer Space."
Evaluation: 2 Macaque monkeys out of 10 Lincoln chimpanzees.
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It would seem that the failure of the Chronicles of Narnia series was supposed to discourage filmmakers from working in the outdated genre of children's fiction. The dementia and courage of the creators of this greeting from the noughties led to what they led to. A faded plot and characters that will fade from memory before you have time to live to the credits. Ridiculous horror is an element of the level of kripipasta. Director's fatigue and superficial handling of book material. You don't have to choose, there's enough of everything here. Languid Eva Green with a mouthpiece and cute twin monsters are all worth watching this movie for.
Rating: 3 retarded Samuel Jackson out of 10 Slendermen.
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It would seem that the failure of the Disney remakes should have discouraged the filmmakers... Wait, again? Yes. Another hired hack, as expected, was not crowned with anything good. This is the same tedious action about a soap elephant that will kill you by the twentieth minute. "Dumbo" is elevated in the list by only a few prudently touching scenes and a strong performance by the cast. It's nice to see the old guys Keaton and Devito in action. The movie is not bad, it's just... none, as expected from the transcription of a naive story from 80 years ago, from which there is not even a shred of fairy-tale charm left here.
Rating: 3 beautiful Eva Green out of 10 beautiful glass eyes.
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Far from diverging, the next in line is the thunderstorm of Disney remakes — the great and terrible trendsetter. However, this is hardly a noble title. Burton criticized Lewis Carroll, the author of the original tale, for the sketchy plot and lack of characters. And what about you, Grandfather? "Alice" is an expensive, rich attraction of nonsense. The special effects are good without irony and look decent even today... if you watch the film without sound, because the plot about prophecy and vulgar takeaways about the romance of "abnormality" look like a fivefold digested substance, even for 2010.
Burton not only does not try to deepen the meaning of the fairy tale, but also collapses it to the most mothballed ideas about boring norms and desperate rebels. But I sincerely admit that the film can still entertain with a colorful freak parade: excellent character and location design works for the atmosphere in close conjunction with the soundtrack by Danny Elfman. "Alice's Theme" is undoubtedly one of the composer's best works.
Rating: 4 Tweedledum out of 10 Tweedledum.
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The spiritual twin brother of "Alice", who inherited most of the joints from here. Roald Dahl's allegorical fairy tales are as difficult to adapt as Carroll's surrealism. Without thinking twice, Burton dumped the narrative potential of the original source into an annoying caricature. Don't get me wrong, the director became famous for his strange, unsightly images. But against the background of the charming cringe of the first "Beetlejuice", the creations of the noughties look like... ordinary(?)
Depp's bland antics are puzzling, and the naturalistic bullying of children does not exactly add empathy to Willy Wonka himself. After all, how many of you can tell what this movie is about? That you should eat porridge and obey your mother? Not to be a fat, arrogant nerd? This children's version of the movie "Seven" boasts the same design of locations and characters, the factory looks fantastic, this world is interesting to explore with the characters — there is absolutely nothing more to offer.
Score: 4 Oompa-Loompas out of 10 killer squirrels.
Don't swear, Chalamet and Wilder did even worse.
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Viewers often complain, they say, the spirit of the original is lost in sequels, there is no cake anymore, etc. I can assure you, after almost 40 (Lord...) years, this legacy sequel looks more than an organic continuation of its history. New characters are well woven into the plot and expanded the mythology of the afterlife, old man Keaton is on a roll without any discounts, and Defoe and Bellucci strive to replenish the pantheon of favorite Burton actors. The quality of the second "Beetlejuice" is not a question of the spirit of the film, but a question of itself... characteristics.
Where practical stop-motion effects set a unique artisanal vibe, now deliberately cheap C.G.I. models flaunt, where the afterlife enveloped and attracted a devilish green glow, now a neon LED lamp from "Ozone" flashes every scene.
I don't want to suffocate. I liked the design and energy of the film, the successful handling of the original and the pleasant humor. Nevertheless, due to the weak cinematography, the film has lost some of its aesthetics, and although it is quite fascinating to watch the plot, the sequel still looks optional and empty. But let's give it its due: Grandpa has amazing taste in song selection, someone drop his acc on the spot.
Rating: 5 new wives of Burton from 10 volumes of Dostoevsky.
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We relax and enter the "gray zone" — good films that do not pretend to be a historical place. "Big Eyes" is one of these films, a trifling drama about a talented artist whose husband passes off her paintings as his own so that they can be exhibited in the galleries of conservative America of the 50s. This film suggests certain arguments. For example: if you remove Burton's entire visual style from Burton's films, what will remain of Burton in them at all? Many may have missed "Big Eyes" as part of the filmography. It is understandable, such a movie could be made by anyone in the range from Rainer to Zemeckis. How lucky we are that Burton is right in that gap.
It turned out to be a simple, somewhat naive, but charming movie with a lamp pastel palette and flooded with California rays. I like that the character of Amy Adams grows up on her own, without losing her spontaneity. By painting other people's children, she learns to be a good mother and defender of her small family. A pleasant story that I like to review in the middle of August for a light summer nostalgia. Pay attention to two beautiful original songs from Lana Del Rey.
Rating: 5 gorgeous Rolls out of 10 books on numerology.
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I've always seen Sleepy Hollow as Burton's smoothest film—the perfect entry for a beginner. It has everything from the director's signature style, and there is nothing that would set him apart from the entire filmography. I will only note that here Burton is no longer just flexing random elements of Gothic culture, but for the first time shooting a real horror movie. Yes, the horror component here resembles horror stories for a story around a campfire and is unlikely to scare, but... Will there be any disadvantages?
"The Hollow" offers a moderately intricate plot with a detective line, where the inhabitants of a cozy creep village are trying to figure out the witch who controls the infernal Horseman-Without-A-Head. The film will not captivate you at all timekeeping, but it is guaranteed to give you some funny scenes with beheading and butchering corpses. A pleasant atmosphere, a nasty Johnny Depp, a pinch of black humor — nothing superfluous. What else do you need for an autumn evening?
Score: 6 bugs in a corpse out of 10 scary Walken teeth.
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What the b****? What have we done to deserve this? How does humanity intend to justify the existence of this film? I'm not ready to answer any questions... Of course, the influence of low-budget cinema could be traced from the very first works of Burton, but it was after the masterpiece "Ed Wood", a film about the director of a B movie, that the master discarded all mimicry and decided on an enchanting thrash frenzy.
I think this movie is underrated in its own way: many people just don't know how to watch it. It is important to remember that "Mars is attacking!", like the rest of the director's work, is primarily about aesthetics. Like Tarantino's "Death Proof", Burton is erecting a monument to the era of penny horror and fiction. Heads explode here, humanoids incinerate Earthlings to the bone with a death ray, the head of a journalist is sewn to the body of a dog... and she continues to work.
I won't call the film a good one, but I won't label it a failure either. What is it about, Burton managed to wrap up a hilarious satire on the government here. It starred a crazy number of big actors of the era, from Nicholson to Brosnan, and only aspiring stars like Natalie Portman. If you celebrate Halloween in a company and choose an unobvious movie to hang out with, "Mars Attacks!" may be a pleasant discovery for you.
Rating: 6 burst heads out of 10 SHUT UUUUP!
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Just listen... No one says it's a good movie because it's amazing. There is: a silly plot about a time traveler, exploitation trails, a sugary love branch, unjustified crimes of the hero for the sake of a sucked move, a chaotic 20-minute climax. And despite this, "Dark Shadows" is my most reviewed Burton film.
This is the purest aesthetics. A visual and stylistic feast, a meeting of epochs and genres. Imprisoned for two centuries, a Victorian vampire finds himself in the world of the late sixties, in the midst of a sexual revolution... it's already catchy, you'll agree. Rock and roll parties in a Gothic family estate, secret passages, ancestral curses, transfusion of vampire blood for immortality, unrequited love...
This film is unique in that it allows you to look at the past as the future. For us, the sixties is an understandable stage passed, and for the ancient vampire it is the world of cars and neon signs, nothing less than the inventions of the evil one, which gives the film even more lightness and a fabulous atmosphere.
Depp is irresistible. His vampire is courteous, pious, and archaic expressions with the manners of an aristocrat make you fall in love with the hero for these two hours. Needless to say about the chemistry with Eva Green, and the second girl creates an interesting relationship dynamic with Depp, revealing the gentle sides of the ghoul.
Let these be general words, but I really like this light, funny and atmospheric film, I like spending time in this motley family and discovering the secrets of the ancestral monastery. And it is here, without SMS and registration, that you get the best soundtrack of the entire filmography. Alice Cooper, Moody Blues, Donovan, and that's the first thing that comes to mind.
Rating: Eh... and yet, 6 dead hipsters out of 10 broken chandeliers.
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We will return with the final ten in the second part, but for now I suggest you choose your version of the first place in the attached survey.
Tim Burton's best film is:1