I have received a letter from Kevin. Yes, that Kevin. The one who single-handedly took down the Wet Bandits with a tarantula and a prayer.
He's apparently grown up, goes to book festivals, watches Spanish films, and asks very thoughtful questions about my reading habits.
If you don't know who Kevin is (first of all, how?!) but fine, check the test below. I'll wait.
Anyway, I've received the letter. Here's a fragment — just a fragment, because I'm not a monster who posts private correspondence online. It would be very rude to read someone else's letters in full and that stuff... Even if that someone is Kevin McCallister.
One... two... TEN!!!
So, here is the part of it:
"…Last week I went to a book festival. It was fantastic! We spent two hours looking through new books and talking to authors. What is the last book you’ve read? What books do you have to read for your literature classes? How often do you spend time reading a book for pleasure?
I saw an interesting film in Spanish last week…"
I have a guess what film you've watched
Kevin has clearly grown up since I last saw him (it never ceases to amaze me). No mention of tarantulas. No paint cans. No talks about burglars. Just culture, books, and cinema. Respect.
He had never written to me before, but I had to answer, because obviously, ignoring a childhood icon is not an option.
My answer looked something like this:
Not this
"Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your letter! I’m glad you're having fun there. I recently went to a book festival too. It was located on Red Square (because why not).
The last book I’ve read was “The Red Necklace” by Sally Gardner. It’s an English novel about the fall of the Bastille. You have to read it, because I want to discuss this book with someone wise. For my literature classes I have to read lots of books. For example, “Oblomov” by Goncharov. It’s... umm... an interesting book, one of my favorites... I read two hours a day, I guess. I want to spend more time reading books for pleasure, but I can’t because of studying.
What is the title of the film? Who is the film director? Why did you watch it in Spanish? Say hi to Fuller for me. Keep in touch. Don't get robbed!
Bye for now,
I"
Full of Pepsi
And that's it. That's the whole tragedy in three acts.
If only you knew how exhausting exam preparation is — maybe you'd understand why I almost replied with just "KEVIN!"
But I stayed civil. I asked about his film. I sent regards to Fuller. I am a hero.
Kevin doesn't need to know that I wrote this at 2AM, running on caffeine and regret, while Oblomov judged me from my bookshelf.
Let him think I'm a well-adjusted person who casually discusses revolutions between study sessions (it may be true).
Run like a wind!
And now seriously. Who writes letters anymore? Kevin, it's 2026. Send a voice message like a normal person!
That's all!
Have you ever read "The Red Necklace"?3
